Is it good to take a break from dating

Serial dating is a bleak enterprise fraught with disappointment, inexplicable rejections, and dead end encounters. I imagine this is what actors feel like on an endless audition loop, getting excited about a prospect, delivering a great performance, and waiting anxiously for the phone that never rings. This type of emotional roller coaster could make even the hardiest among us reach for the barf bag. After my fateful encounter with a flakey Australian who left me reeling for five days, barely able to function, I knew I needed to take a step back and examine why and how this one person I barely knew was able to decimate my self-confidence and productivity. I decided it was time to take myself off the market until I could heal my wounded pride and figure out why I have been unable to attract the right person.

Burned out on Dating? How to Take a Break While ‘On the Clock’

I'm just coming out of a deliberate dating-hiatus. I've spent the last two months not dating at all. On purpose. I've been licking some compassion-deserving, emotional wounds and listening to the sage advice they had to teach me. It was a time of healing. I set the intention to curl up in the lap of my sadness and let it speak its wisdom. These wounds held stories. They told me about limiting beliefs I've clung onto about love, about myself and about what I'm still afraid of. By allowing myself the time to sit with these thoughts and feelings, I am able to see myself more clearly.

I knew I needed time to process through them in order to get this clarity. So there: I needed silence and lack of distraction to fully explore the reflection the mirror my last relationship was holding for me so that I can enter my next one without carrying old patterns with me. When we see our experiences with others, both positive and negative , as a way to learn more about ourselves, we always have new lessons to learn about ourselves and the roots of our behaviors and habits of thinking.

I knew that if I jumped from one relationship straight into another, I wouldn't have seen what I needed to in myself in order to attract the kind of person I'm looking for. When we get clearer about our deeper self, we attract different kinds of people. The shift reflects the inner clarity we've gained because we look for love with openness and awareness. And one of the most powerful ways to get clearer about this part of ourselves is to look at our reactions to our partner in our last relationship.

The goal of seeing these is not to fix a part of ourselves or to feel that we have been damaged. The goal is awareness. But what about the other times when a break from dating feels unintentional, and well, unpleasant? Sometimes, these "breaks" can stretch for years or even decades. And while it's OK to give ourselves however much time we need to heal, sometimes these prolonged bouts of singledom come from avoidance and fear. In other words, when this "break" from dating comes in the form of a defense mechanism that is not born out of intention, it's often not serving us.

If we don't believe that we can find love, then the search for it can feel daunting at best, hopeless at worst. When we feel this way, we defend ourselves from experiencing these struggles by just avoiding dating altogether. For many, happiness is actually scarier than sadness. On some level, we fear that if we get too happy we might lose the source of that happiness which we often believe lies outside of ourselves.

We fear being devastated, even destroyed, by this loss. We protect ourselves from this disappointment by watching from the sidelines rather than getting in the game. Other times we don't date because we are afraid of finding our old dating patterns resurfacing. We fear that if it doesn't work out again, we will have confirmation that we just can't get it right.

We blame ourselves, and continue the vicious cycle of believing that happiness and fulfillment must be given to us by something external — namely another person. But hear this: You may not be in touch with it, but that doesn't mean it's not there. When you realize that you are the source of your happiness rather than seeing it as being given to you, conditionally, by another, you can make yourself available to love from a whole and hopeful place.

If you are someone who knows you have taken a long break from dating as a result of fear, rather than an intentional desire for space and healing, take a small step out of your comfort zone this week. Smile at someone you find attractive while you're waiting in line for your morning coffee. Say hi to that man or woman you walk by in your office building but have been too scared to talk to. Go for it. Open yourself up to love. You deserve it.

Food has the power to create a happier and healthier world. Celebrity Nutritionist Kelly LeVeque will show you how. You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Saved Articles. Gift Purchases. Contact Support. Log Out. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world.

Explore Classes. Group 8 Created with Sketch. By Heather Lynn Temple. Share on: Group 7 Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch. Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. Heather Lynn Temple. Emma Loewe. Integrative Health integrative health.

Taz Bhatia, M. Caroline Muggia. Sites We Love. Folder Name. Email Address Sign up.

People at times cannot tolerate being alone, even when it is a good idea. Here are the reasons why taking a break from dating can help us to. And it's not easy. One way to help find that person for you is taking a break from dating. This may seem okay, but it blinds you to the truth about that person.

But in order to make finding that special someone easier, taking a break from dating is something to think about. We get into a new relationship with someone and end up ruining something before it has even started. Most of these mistakes have to do with our views on dating in general. Many of us make the mistake of asking to be exclusive WAY too early. We go on one date and immediately want to be in an exclusive relationship.

It can, however, be the first step—but only if done right.

While you might periodically uninstall your dating apps whenever you get a crude message—so you know, three times a day—there are several factors that should deter you from using them. Pretty much everyone has come across an unhealthy amount of hyper-sexualized pickup lines or crude messages on every dating app.

10 Reasons Taking a Break from Dating Can Help You Find the One

Hi Dr. NerdLove, Recently, I had a potential relationship fall through. This definitely applies to me, as there are plenty of things I should work on before starting to look again. How should I go about dealing with these feelings while I attempt to improve my circumstances? One of the things that can be useful in the wake of a break up is to do a sort of self-assessment.

9 Benefits Of Taking A Break From Dating

You meet new people, you feel good about yourself, maybe you get laid. But there are also times when you need to take a break from dating and hang out with yourself. Taking a break from dating is a lot like quitting carbs: Maybe you want to quit drinking or start writing a novel. Yes, there are people out there who believe that finding another person is the best way to get over an ex. That might work once in a while, but if you are super hung up on your ex and still missing them, work on getting over them first. Mourn the relationship, cry at stupid rom-coms, eat all the potato chips. Going through your feelings instead of around them is good for you, we promise. Maybe figure out what that thing is and work it out before dragging more people down another emotional path with you. Do you find yourself telling dates that your job is cooler than it is?

A part of me had convinced myself that I had no regrets because every mistake I made, helped mold me into the woman I am today. Sure, they taught me some great lessons.

Relationship slipping through your fingers? Well, before you start trying to desperately save it by handcuffing yourself to your partner and willing stability by proximity, consider ditching the entire relationship…at least for a while. No, seriously. According to Ann Rosen Spector, PhD, a clinical psychologist in Philadelphia, one of the best ways to repair a relationship is to put some distance between you and your partner by taking a break.

6 people reveal why going on a dating hiatus may be your best tool in finding love

By Sarah Elizabeth Richards. Dating Dos and Don'ts. We all know the feeling. You cringe when your date asks if you have brothers or sisters. You take three days to answer your dating emails. I knew I had reached my breaking point when I once got ready for a date by pulling on a sweater over my workout clothes, gathering my hair in a ponytail and smearing on lip gloss. Applying any more makeup felt like too much effort. Apathy has replaced curiosity. Your heart is not available. Maybe you need to spend more time at work or with family.

It’s So Important to Take Breaks From Dating – Trust Us!

When you're really tired of being single , online dating is fun for approximately a day and a half. OK, so maybe the high of adopting such a technologically advanced way of finding love sticks around for a little longer than that. But for many people, there comes a time when the prospect of swiping even one more time loses its luster. But like everyone I know has met someone amazing online , you might think to yourself. And yeah, that's probably true! That's why if you're looking for someone, online dating is a strategic, smart move, not something to be ashamed of.

I get it: Dating is exhausting. Whether you just got out of a long-term relationship or you're tired of swiping left and right, it's normal to feel like you need to take a break from dating. Maybe you're no longer motivated to continue dating, or you're just tired of the routine. Either way, dating may have been something that once brought you joy, and that now doesn't, which means that in true Marie Kondo fashion , it may be time to throw it out.

Dating can be a lot of fun, but it can also be really exhausting and even demoralizing. It's easy to lose yourself in the constant rejection, waiting for texts, ghosting, and awkward conversations, all of which can take a hit on your self-esteem. Lots of us have gotten to the point where if we see another dating app or go on another first date, we'd scream. The tendency can be to try to power through and not give up. But what if giving up, at least for a while, is the best thing for you?

I encourage all the single and looking people in my life to be very no retreat, no surrender with meeting new men and dating. Here are a few of them. It happens to the best of us. But, in this time, you should be actively working on the healing. Talk to a therapist, focus on your happiness and get over your hump.

Taking a break from a relationship isn't as simple as spending time apart. It involves some mutually agreed upon boundaries and lots of introspection. This can be a healing time for a couple or it can determine definitively if they should break up — either way, it can be a positive way to reach a final decision. Do you need space? Does one of you want to see other people? This will help set expectations and hopefully set the path for a smooth break.

When to take a break from dating
Related publications